Mehandi: A custom in Indian Marriage

Marriages are nothing but a social stamp for a couple to live together a continue their family life. The partner is either chosen by you or by your parents. When you are choosing yourself, you name it as "Love  Marriage" and when your parents are choosing for you it is named as "arranged Marriage".

It is an old saying that "Marriages are decided in heaven".
If marriage is decided in heaven why we always fall in this debate. Anyway since this debate is on lets dig till the root.
Life is a journey which ends with perishing to the five elements. Marriage is a part of a journey where you choose a partner and decide to stay with her or him throughout life understanding the complexities and the differences created by god.
It doesn't matter if you are going for an arranged marriage or love marriage, post marriage will always be a time when you will find lot of unexplored areas where you may need lot of sacrifice and adjustment. That's why the proverb is famous in India "Shaadi ka laddoo Jo khaye wo bhi pachtaye aur jo na khaye wo bhi pachtaye" (The person who gets married also repents and who doesn't get married also repents).

Love and Love Marriage
First of all, we will try to understand what love is?
"Love" A simple, prominent word tickles the sensitive nerve inside you. "He/She loves me?" "No one loves me". "I am in love". " He/She is everything to me". These common proverbs always hit the eardrum when you are listening to narration of some close one.
I am always amused by these words. Immediately next question pops up in my mind that "how you are so sure that this is love?". This may be because the someone successfully removed the word loneliness from your dictionary or this may be just an attraction to opposite sex. Or this may be because you don't want someone to go off your life when you had only one to share your feelings.
These questions generally pops up whenever someone tells me his/her love story. How can you be sure that this is love??. The only answer I get for this question is " you will understand only when you will fall in love". Means there is no perfect way to realize if you are in love.
The most amazing type of love is "love at first sight". Really? Love at first sight? So what exactly you saw in him or her at first glance that let you fall in love? Are you sure that this is not lust but love?

There are different views of people towards love. In western culture, falling in love means "making Love".( this is how they rename physical intimacy"). Surprisingly, they fall in love and break quite often. I am not sure if love exists without physical interaction.Can love exists without any selfishness?
I respect views of people on "love". Once one of my close friend (girl) told that her boyfriend went abroad for higher studies. Now she got another boyfriend to get away with loneliness feeling. I asked casually.
" what will be your step if your old boyfriend comes back".
She replied "I will choose one who will be the best for me".
"so whom you love?"
"Both," she replied.
I was amused by her answer. Is she happy of having two options to choose from or really her decision is based on love?
I have heard people commenting "he/she will be the best husband/wife for me". The best ? So it is not love that is driving you for marriage? This is your choice where you are choosing your life partner instead of your parents. It means your love marriage is not marriage out of love but an "arranged marriage" arranged by you.

Let's consider a situation where couple care for each other, see happiness in each other's smile and go to any extent to give the better half a better life. They found that they can not live without each other and finally decided to get bonded forever. They lived happily thereafter. A successful love story.

For outer world Indian culture is considered as orthodox culture where society and parents in general don't accept their kids finding their own life partner. This may be because either they are completely against love or they don't want their children to take immature decision and suffer throughout life. Religion, Caste, region language and other monsters also roam freely in India eating Love mercilessly wherever they find it.

The real-life story starts immediately after marriage rituals are over. Immediately couple starts realizing that living together needs lots of compromises. Going together to ice cream parlour to have icecream was always pleasant then facing the real life challenges post marriages and still keep the smile on. Both joined together with expectations, love and hoping everything will be pleasant. When these things turn out into compromise, it becomes tough for them to accept. There are much more divorce cases in Love marriage then arranged marriage. Why divorce appeared when there was love? What went wrong? It means there was no love at any point of time but just some pleasant moment and opposite sex attraction?
Before you jump to a conclusion, let's have a look at other part as well.

Arranged Marriage

What??? How can I live throughout my life with a total stranger? And most important how can I make sure that our thinking style and other such things match which will decide our happiness in the future.
"Dad?? How can I live with a guy throughout my life whom I even don't know? Why are you judging him on only monetary basis? Money is not everything in life\"
"Who want housewife?" I want a girl who can be with me and understand me throughout my life." Ready to compromise for family happiness and keep a family at first priority". Whose likes matches with mine and same time dislikes.

Can these demands be fulfilled when parents search better half for their children? I think no. We can know the materialistic and visible thing in the guy or gal but can not know their thinking style or their way of taking life.
In India, "birth horoscope" is matched to make sure that both have similar qualities. After marriage, this analysis may not turn as expected. Still, if we look at the statistics, the satisfaction graph is more positive and hence the divorce cases in arranged marriage is comparatively less. Why is it so? When two total strangers can live life together more comfortably then love birds?

As I feel, arranged marriage gives a couple a created platform to start their life where family values, culture, custom, monetary status are matched.
They try to understand each other's likes and dislikes post marriage since both are new for each other. In this process, they get close to each other. Pleasant attitude of both toward each other is a boon. Unpleasant behavior is not taken so seriously since they find many new things about each other. Not that all is well in an arranged marriage.
 In arranged marriage, the entire responsibility of marital failure does not fall on one’s shoulder while in love marriage, failure is attributed to the two persons married alone by their own choice.  Less expectation and more compromise may be the key of arranged marriage success. This helps them to get experienced ideas to resolve. In this orthodox country, the family stability and bonding is more. When couple falls in relation, it should be taken as a relation forever similar to any other relation with parents and siblings.

After all there is nothing right or wrong in life. Whatever comes in life take it whole heartily and live life with full energy and happiness.

This article is my point of view towards the marriage system and not to hurt anyone's idea or sentiments. YOu are most welcome to present your idea and comment on this blog. The article is written for   www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange(Indiblogger Love Vs Arranged Marriage contest ) as well.

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Style : Water colour
Theme: Mughal style

The painting "Waiting for Love" was art by me in year 1998. The painting has seen many years hanging in the corner of my house. The frame was changed multiple times. It got faded and discoloured over a period of time..

But still maintaining its aroma and depth.

Hope you all will like it.

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Loss Of feeling (Sketch) 2-Jun-12

     Angry Birds ...  

It was a lazy start of the day. Weekends are always late risers. I always try to make my weekend happening and memorable because this is the day which is completely mine, not sold to anyone.

My to do list was popping something today. Generally I don't like to go out for lunch alone. I found this Vietnamese restaurant on Zomato.com and had no patience to wait for any company to go there. I knew I will be alone there but wished it would not be boring.

It was a little struggle to locate the restaurant. Tucked on the street beside sony center, 100Ft road of Indiranagar,Bangalore, was a little struggle to find when I crossed it two times, "The Phobidden Fruit" but could not see it(I thought its name bidden should be changed to hidden). It is on the opposite of "mom & me" shop. The entrance is a small passage. this restaurant brought a surprise to me. I was thinking if it could have maintained the same interior decoration and cool look of restaurant as the restaurants in Vietnam are.

Not only the interior design and the service, Vietnamese theme was also well preserved in this restaurant. This restaurant was successful in providing the relax and soothing environment.
To my surprise it was well crowded and most of the tables were occupied. I never thought Indian people may like Vietnamese food so much.



I found one place and got comfortable there. The menu was in front of me. I was excited. I wanted to check if they are able to cook Vietnamese food with same aroma and flavor. I ordered the most popular Vietnamese food Pho Ga(Pho: noodles , Ga: Chicken). It was very weird kind of feeling eating Pho in Vietnamese restaurant full of Indians.
The Pho was maintained with same aroma what I used to eat in Pho24 in Saigon. The flavoured leaves and other supplements were also provided in same way. The only difference I felt was the noddle part was not as soft as in Vietnam.May be they bought this noodle in bulk from Vietnam and preserved somewhere.

I ordered lemon Grass Iced tea. The theme was preserved in drinks also.  The same size and shape of ice cubes was used in drink. It reminded me of the drink we used to have in Vietnam where one drink used to last for 2-3 hours.

Lemon Grass Iced Tea

I was looking in menu again. This time wanted to eat some delicacy. I ordered for squid Salt and pepper fry. In the meantime when waiter could fulfill my order I started satisfying my queries.

I called manager type looking guy and asked
"who is the owner of this restaurant?"
A Tamilian sir" He replied. I was astonished.
"And where are these waiters from?"
"They are from North East of India". He added.
"How come you have successfully copied the theme of Vietnamese restaurants as well as the cuisines ?"
"Sir, Our head chef is also from north east part of India but was in Vietnam for almost a year hence he learned."
I was not convinced. Chef can cook delicacy but restaurant cool look and making Vietnamese theme live can not be his brain.
I saw a family sitting just next to my table. They were almost done with their food. With formal greetings I asked the guy.
" how often you come to this restaurant?"
"This is my first time". He said
"How did you know about it"? I asked.
"We just came to know from some site. Me and my wife are foodies. We like to taste new dishes of different countries. "
"How did you find this place?"
"Its cool and relax look. I liked Vietnamese food. Not so spicy but have aroma and softness."

In the mean time my pepper fry squid was on my table. I started enjoying it. It was also delicious. I took some snaps paid bill and came down.

Pepper Fry Squid

Downstairs I thanked receptionist and also praised the restaurant. One lady in her age of forties sitting next to reception was more interested in my talk. She started showing her ecstasy on the success of her idea.
My curiosity was still not satisfied. I asked the same question to the lady.
"How is it possible that without involvement of any Vietnamese, this restaurant have all the themes and aroma of Vietnam successfully preserved?"
In her surprising voice she told
" I am Vietnamese. I came and settled down in Bangalore 10 years back."

I was totally surprised. She changed a lot. In Indian dress and Indian style makeup it was hard to identify her as Vietnamese. I gave another keen look and realized that yes she is Vietnamese.

One Page of Menu

The paper is blank
    The pen has ink,
The heart is silent
    The mind is still.

What then can make
    One to feel?
What else can cause
    The ink to flow.....? 

There is neither the clot
    Nor the flow
There is neither any block
    Nor any bond

Going on is the search
    Within the Conscience...
The search for Truth
    Shall go on and on....

Until the mind is lost
    And the heart is opened
To reveal what was done
    Was right or wrong.....

There is a long way to tread
    To know what Is & What Is not,
For now the clock has stopped
    But the time has not.